This morning's bark time...

6:14 a.m.

This was after closing the crate door and covering it with a blanket last night. So that tactic is out. On to plan b...

Please place your vote (via comment) for either:

1. Citronella anti bark spray collar.

or

2. Stationary bark control training system.

Who's in charge? Pug...mouse...or me?

Last night my friend Laura said to me "it's pretty clear who's in charge in your house." In case you're wondering, she wasn't referring to yours truly. It was the second time in less than a week that someone said this to me. So, I'm working on it. Turning over a new leaf. Getting serious. Game face.

Lets go back a few days...

Parker spent last Friday with his pug buddy Bob and his owners Martin and Cat. He's been there countless times and never had a problem, and yet on Friday, Parker peed in the apartment. First of all, way to make me feel SUPER when I come pick you up, jerk face.

Kate: "Hey, Martin! How was the day? Thanks so much for hanging with him!"
Martin: "Oh it was great, per usual. We went to the park, hung out, did some chewing. Then Parker peed on my bike."
Kate: "Excuse me? Please tell me you're kidding."
Martin: "Nope. Right here [points to bike]."
Kate: "Shit, I'm so sorry. He's been acting up lately and I'm stressed about it."
Martin: "It's cool. I yelled at him and put him on his back for a while. Yeah, he's clearly going through adolescence and trying to assert his dominance. You have to remind him that he's not the alpha. He looks at me and says 'that guy thinks he's in charge, so I'm gonna pee on his bike.'"

Does this look like the face of someone who's running the show?

Okay fine, maybe it is.

Martin has offered to take Parker for a week of boot camp. As he said, "I'll break him down and you can build him back up." This is frighteningly appealing to me.

In the meantime, another living thing has moved in with us. Mickey mouse is living in the pantry and has enjoyed such delicacies as almonds and chocolate chips, while pooping everywhere. (Jury's out on which one of those is worse.) What I haven't figured out is why Parker isn't going after him when he hears the noise. Or does he just not hear it? Bear with me for a minute -- how can Parker hear my cell phone alarm go off in the bedroom every morning while he is tucked away in his crate all the way down the hall -- and yet not hear the sound of a furry animal chomping away at almonds a mere 9 feet from his pen??? It's very unclear.

So as much as I am dreading the day when Mickey runs across the kitchen floor, I am totally down for PUG v. MOUSE. I'm taking bets...

Things We Can Learn from a Dog

• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
• Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
• When loved ones come home, always run to great them.
• When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
• Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
• Take naps and stretch before rising.
• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
• When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
• On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
• When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
• No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends.
• Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
• Run, romp, and play daily.
• Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
• Be loyal.
• Never pretend to be something you’re not.

...thanks to my friend Ashleigh for passing this along. I've read it 8 or 9 times now and it keeps getting better.

FML

Can SOMEONE please explain the time change to Parker? Please....? Barking started this morning at 5:55 am, and would not stop no matter how long I ignored him or how many times I yelled at him.

Okay - any ideas on how I can convey this to him? Anyone have Cesar Millan's cell number so that he can whisper it to Parker over the phone?